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Categories: General, Fiction

Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to Bitcoin!

Published on July 25th, 2014 by Spengler

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to Bitcoin! When I wake up, the first thing I do is shout, "BITCOIN AHOY!".

I get in the shower and have to sing Ode to Satoshi loudly until a passer-by throws a rock through my window (I guess so they can hear me better).

Then I get dressed, smelling my socks which I bought with Bitcoin. I love to darn those socks - at least 27% of the cotton in them is original!

I have to have alphabetti spaghetti for breakfast so I can spell out "I love Bitcoin" on the toast. Sometimes there's no letter "v" in the tin, so I just write on the wall instead.

When I drive to work I catch up on the latest LTB podcasts. Occasionally I swerve all over the road as I try to remember the "magic word" for later. I can't wait to see if the LTB network will start a subscription service for early release episodes and audio versions of all their content! Chain Radio's launching next week too.

Sometimes I accidentally drive into the side of the local bank because I went into a daydream imagining a time in the future when the bank is no longer there. When this happens I get locked up and have to spend my time inside thinking about Bitcoin.

When I get to the office I send all of my work to someone on the other side of the world, and they do it for me. I pay them with Bitcoin because it's better than using Western Union. I'm hoping to get locked up for this too, so I can spend my time in prison thinking about Bitcoin. I spend my time at work reading articles on Let's Talk Bitcoin because they're not made available in audio format yet. Nevermind, at least I earn LTBcoin for doing it.

On my drive home I listen to year old episodes of LTB which I missed the first time round. I love it. It reminds me how lucky I am to have Bitcoin in my life.

When I get home I turn on my computer and open up a couple of Bitcoin related windows in the browser. One of them will often be Let's Talk Bitcoin like earlier. I keep refreshing the page to see if there are any new topics or articles to read! The other may be something like Winkdex. I like to press Alt-Tab really really really quickly to flash between the windows until I feel sick! I call this a Bitcoin high. I think it's legal.

Then I eat a tin of Spam and go upstairs to pray (A Bitcoin Prayer):

"Our Satoshi, who art in hiding

Hallowed be thy name

Thy protocol done

Wallets will come

On clients as they are on paper,


Give us this day our daily Bitcoin

And forgive us our speculation

As we forgive those who use silk road

And lead us not into no confirmation

But deliver us from fiat,

For thine is the blockchain, the power and the glory

For ever and ever,


Anon."

Then I go to bed shouting, "BITCOIN AHOY!", and I dream of Bitcoins and Gravy!

Is there anything you can do to help me, doctor?

Doctor: What's Bitcoin?

Patient: It's how I'm going to pay you. Here, look!


The cover image for this article has been modified and used under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. Original image by Nelson Santos.

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